A Letter to My Love

Some people are more important than stardom or money; so are you. You are not only a person, but my relationship with myself. You are a song that my soul sings. You are the light in which my being seeks to understand Love. You are a you who has made love myself.

A thought: what if you are not real? You may not be real, but the love between us, at this moment in space and time, is more than real than any real can be. It is extraordinary! A moment lived in this living moment is more true than any number of years, centuries or lives lived in a common ‘love’ of give and take, of trust and doubt, of me and you.

Among us, there is no me and you. Among us, it’s a world of stars. Among us, there is unlimited expansion not to be limited by any binaries. Among us, there is only ‘us’; and ‘us’ is of oneness, of non duality, away from the world divided into dimensions.

Sahar Raman Deep.

5/21/17

My Bipolar

Bipolar Disorder, or Maniac Depression is a condition where a patient’s state of mind goes from one pole of mania to the other of depression. I have it too!

Bipolar Disorder, or Maniac Depression is a condition where a patient’s state of mind goes from one pole to the other, from mania to depression. I have it too! I am talking about it for the first time.

I was diagnosed with bipolar more than a decade ago. Since then, there has been no peace. Actually, peace was already lost. I was wandering between my desire to live an independent life, and a marriage that was forced upon me. I was doing my second masters degree at that time. Soon I started my Ph.D. My then husband was only a high school graduate. It’s not that degrees matter, but wisdom, attitude and maturity do! He had none! Now you will say, everyone has an attitude, but the truth is, if it is not helping you and the rest of the world move forward, or you just want to crawl while hoping for the sky, that’s no attitude at all. At one time, you start to cut others’ wings too.

That is what happened with me. He wanted me to study more and more, and all his family too, so that at another point in time, I can earn more and more.

I wil talk about the rest later. I need to talk, and if you are ready to hear, I will.

…. Sahar Raman Deep.  (10/18/16)

Catharsis

I wanted to live the moment,
You wanted to die with past!
Not a surprise,
Our relation did not last.

I could never be
A part of your catharsis,
This is the reason
Why you left me.
I wanted you to smile with me,
You had lived enough in the past. Now I wanted you to come
Live in the present
And enjoy the moment.
But, perhaps,
You were not
Ready for that.
My fault, I did not want
You to laugh and look
Like as if you were crying.
I wanted you to laugh
And smile from heart.
I did not want your brain
To be always preoccupied
And you to look
Stone eyed.
I wanted your eyes
To rejuvenate,
Be full of life,
Giving life.
But you refused
To be apart of my life,
The very same way
I refused to be
A part of your catharsis.

… Sahar Raman Deep
10/16/16