A Letter to My Love

Some people are more important than stardom or money; so are you. You are not only a person, but my relationship with myself. You are a song that my soul sings. You are the light in which my being seeks to understand Love. You are a you who has made love myself.

A thought: what if you are not real? You may not be real, but the love between us, at this moment in space and time, is more than real than any real can be. It is extraordinary! A moment lived in this living moment is more true than any number of years, centuries or lives lived in a common ‘love’ of give and take, of trust and doubt, of me and you.

Among us, there is no me and you. Among us, it’s a world of stars. Among us, there is unlimited expansion not to be limited by any binaries. Among us, there is only ‘us’; and ‘us’ is of oneness, of non duality, away from the world divided into dimensions.

Sahar Raman Deep.

5/21/17

Generations!

Good were the days
When grandma cooked
And all the children
Sat around her-….

Good were the days
When grandma cooked
And all the children
Sat around her-
Crossed legged, and silent.
The roti took time to bake,
And, we fought for it!
So granny set the turns,
And we would eat
Slowly from our bowls
With small bites of bread
So as not to be done
Before the next chapati came!
Finish we eating,
And off we went
To swim in poodles!

Good were the days
When mom cooked
And we sat on table
With father on the big chair
And ate rice,
And home cooked noodles-
Laughing at small jokes,
And went to bed
With affectionate kisses;
Read a book
And dreamt of morning!

Now my children,
With their heads buried in phones
Wait for food
Ordered online
To fill their bellies!

I sit alone
With my husband
Sipping some soup,
Silent and gloomy.
And I wonder,
When my daughter shall cook….

…… Sahar Raman Deep
1/14/17

Rain and Storm

Not in rain
Is there a purpose
Of wind to
Water the garden

The little droplets
Of Nature’s beautiful sprinkler
Mean to grow
Everything liveful.

But,
Only stones can stand
The blow of the blow
And sometimes even
Mountains fly in cyclone.

Everything pleasant
Even if the loving human
Or God’s religion
Or even the soft breeze,
When gets violent,
Trees uproot,
Stones break,
And,
Mountains sand!

…. Sahar Raman Deep
01/06/17

In Rawness of Emotions…

In rawness of emotions
In rawness of thought
In rawness of heart
When no seed is bown
I think of humanity
How it has grown!… Read More

In rawness of emotions
In rawness of thought
In rawness of heart
When no seed is sown
I think of humanity
How it has grown!

Humanity meant
Law of jungle in forest
And the only rule
Was to survive
Then came the tribes
And the societies
Where survival was safe
And the need was to thrive.
Being loyal to the group
And to the leader
Was the mandate
Even if it meant
Death to the tenant.

Some saints and sages
Have been talking since ages
Of the particular
And the universal
And saying
Both are one
And the key to this realization
Is freedom, and alas!
Freedom is none!

They say we are free.
Though unchained and unbound
We are bound by
None other than we.
This is the story
Of us humans
Separated from the nature
Who bore us
In her womb
And many others
Whom we have forgotten.

We wait for a the doom!

…. Sahar Raman Deep.
12/14/16

Great Quotes 2

SaharRamanDeep.com

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the water to create many ripples.” Mother Teresa

Poem

Write me down
On a piece of paper
And place it securely
In your heart
So that… Read More

Write me down
On a piece of paper
And place it securely
In your heart
So that
Naver can I
Escape thee

Lock me in
The ink of fate
And seal it
With thy name

Put me under
The tip of your pen
That I may sing you
Forever, till eternity!

O royal prince
Content am I
With what you give me
For nothing lies
Beyond your eyes!

The Depression

This wholeness and emptiness, alternating time and again, this feeling of having it all and the nothingness, this tendency…. Read more.

This wholeness and emptiness, alternating time and again, this feeling of having it all and the nothingness, this tendency to have found it all and then that terrible phase of having it all lost! A person swings from what she is to what she is not, often struggling to find a true identity. Here, in no way, I am talking of identity in relation to the Ultimate, but in a way relative to human existence, an identity we all have- I like this and I do not like this. We all know atleast this about ourselves! I do not. Any of the people struggling with my condition do not! And, it is called bipolar disorder.

At one time, I am a writer, an avid reader, an innovator. At another, I am a piece of shit! Sounds funny, right? It’s not.

Have you ever have had that feeling when you have failed and lost all confidence in you and what is yours? When you look into the mirror and you hate the person you are looking at? Find him ugly? Have you ever felt the world has gone against you, and you are hiding in a little hole, trying to protect yourself? Have you ever felt that you are terribly isolated and long for that human voice which may touch your heart and give you some comfort, all the while when your loved ones are around you?

This is it! This is it! The depression! The bipolar depression!

Us.. .

Not in the mind
Not in the brain
In the serenity of soul
I long for you… read more.

Not in the mind
Not in the brain
In the serenity of soul
I long for you

You, the eternal being
You, the soul of souls
You, the magnificent whole

You, who is born as me
You, who is born as he
You, who is born as us

Our relation is
That of the oneness
We are not three
We are one

We are one
That there is none
Who is not me
Who is not he
Who is not you

It is all us
It is everywhere us
And,
It’s no where us.

… Sahar RD (10/31/16)

Also read Legends .

Love Eternal!

 

Life can live
Only and only with you
O prince of winds
O beauty of heaven
O Love eternal!

You are the soul
The heart beats with
You are the essence
Blood flows with
You are the light
Eternity lives by

That moment of passion
Is long passed away
That thing of earth
Never was
It is the skies
Your love expands into

The oceans carry
Our love for life
The flowers blossom
Only to have our glimpse
And the waters ice
Only to reflect our hearts

No punctuation
No full stops
This is the flow
Of light unto life
Of soul unto spirit
Of matter unto divinity

… Sahar Raman Deep
10/28/16

Lost in the Wide

When Self is lost, everything is lost.

I am
Looking for a creature
Long lost
Who I used to call ‘me’.

No clue of
Where she’s gone
No clue
What corner of universe
She is in
She used to say
The whole world is mine,
Earth is my home
And heart is shrine.

Whose heart now
Should I peep into
Which particle on earth
I dig deep
No where is she
No where is she

Such people
Who do not
Have a self
Get lost easily
In the wide

They are
Laughed upon
Because they are different
They are thought, To be like
The crow who wore
A peacock feather
And not the peacocks
Nor the crows
Accepted him henceforth.

But she was different
She was not the one
To be lost in the mob
Nor was she a crow
Or a peacock
She was the essence
Of Love
And Love was she
Indeed!

Was that me?
Now I wonder
Lost in the
Hustle of life
Wandering in
Many separated streets
The idea of unity
Is an alien.
And Love?
There is none.
Union is Love
Not the unity
Which now I have
With myself
And, I don’t know who…

…. Sahar Raman Deep
10/19/16

Empty Vessel

Love, when pure and soulful, is fearless.

The empty vessel
Of my love
Rattles in
The monuments

None aware
Of my pathos
Hangs out
And has fun

A yogi when
Loves the world
Gifts his heart
And soul together

If you and I
Could love like this
No fear’ll be
Left in any den

… Sahar RD
10/20/16

A Small Example of Living with Bipolar

In bipolar, mood swings are so drastic that you yourself forget who you really are!

What am I looking for, always searching? There is this discontentment inside. Could it be that I am looking for my lost life? Or my Love? Or the baby I once had?

I think it is the baby.

Long ago, I searched for my love like this. I felt alone without him. I was alone. I had no relationship. There were people who were related to me, but no ties attached. And, I am alone now.

Is it just a state of mind? Or just a habit? That once we are sad, we are sad forever? But, I was not always sad. I was the queen of universe, and everyone was a part of me. I was so expanded that the horizons looked small. My soul was so bright with happiness, that sun seemed to be dim. And had such depth in my eyes that the oceans could not measure it. At that time, I had only one relationship- that with myself. I was alone, but I was happy. Deep within I longed for that ‘perfect’ man, but I was always with me. And none other’s company mattered.

And now, there are times when I am on the seventh heaven, just for nothing, no strings attached to the earth! No grounding, just hollowness. And I am flying, like a dry leaf broken from branch. And I look for myself in that hollowness, and for all those who I think are me. And, when I cannot find anyone, I get anxious. I start looking for them impatiently… and this is the time when dopamine in brain is supposedly at its maximum before starting to drop down. And when it drops down, and comes to its lowest point, I am as dead as I am now! Like my dead daughter, whom I never saw!

And, this is only a small part of bipolar!

…Sahar Raman Deep
10/19/16

Catharsis

I wanted to live the moment,
You wanted to die with past!
Not a surprise,
Our relation did not last.

I could never be
A part of your catharsis,
This is the reason
Why you left me.
I wanted you to smile with me,
You had lived enough in the past. Now I wanted you to come
Live in the present
And enjoy the moment.
But, perhaps,
You were not
Ready for that.
My fault, I did not want
You to laugh and look
Like as if you were crying.
I wanted you to laugh
And smile from heart.
I did not want your brain
To be always preoccupied
And you to look
Stone eyed.
I wanted your eyes
To rejuvenate,
Be full of life,
Giving life.
But you refused
To be apart of my life,
The very same way
I refused to be
A part of your catharsis.

… Sahar Raman Deep
10/16/16

Nectar of Love

Nectar of Love is, Love itself!

This sun
And the rain!
When they get together
Creation happens

These bees
And the flowers!
When they mate
Honey comes to existence

This self
And the Ultimate
Make you and me
This is the only
Nectar of Love
You am I
I am thee.

… Sahar Raman Deep (10/14/16)

The Deadly Truth

I loved him
As he was
And
He loved me
As he wanted!

I know
The deadly truth
You
No more
Belong to me.

The fact is,
That you were never mine.
I have not lost you
In fact, I have found you
In your absence

When you were there,
I would fight with you
Shout at you
Humiliate you
Now
At least I realize
That I love you.

You always wanted
That I agree with you
Follow your steps
Say yes to everything you said
So that
You may love me.
I always sensed
That stiffness in your character
That never bends
But can break.
I did not want to break.
I chose my integrity.

Should I have chosen you
And lose myself
With time
And become incapable
Of loving
Anyone in the world?
Even my own kids?
And become guilty
In my own eyes,
And theirs.
How could I teach them
Self respect
When I had none?

I know,
Our ways have separated
Still, we walk
Hand in hand
In each other’s heart
I know you love me
And you know
That I love you,
Doesn’t matter
You think otherwise.

…Sahar Raman Deep

10/13/16

Princess Diana (2) The Rising Star

She loved Diana, and. She wanted to be Diana- the princess. She was a rising star, with faded lights.

“Why do you always look towards the sky?” Her mom asked her one day.

“Because I am going to shine like moon someday” she said with a sparkle in her eyes, a dream in her voice, and uncertainty in her heart.

“Become moon or star, but only after death.” Her mother said with sarcasm. “Better concentrate on picking rags now. Only they will get us a good meal at night.”

Roshni looked at her with eyes as if a dream had shattered in them, but she recollected herself. “You see ma, I am going to shine one day.”

This time her voice wasn’t as bright.

…to be continued.

 

Sahar Raman Deep

Motherhood

Far away in the woods
There lived a lioness
She was wild and fierce
Terrifying and scary
The queen of jungle!
All and one bowed to her
And would get out of way
Whenever she went out.

But,
She was a mother too.
Soft and loving
Caring and affectionate
She played with her cubs.
She milk fed them
But now they were growing.
She needed to feed them more
So she killed.
She needed to feed their father
So she hunted.
After all, the father
Took care of her kids.
What ever was left
She ate herself,
She, too, had to survive.

In the same forest
There lived a goat too.
She was not wild
And she was not fierce
Nor was she the queen of jungle.
She was a common citizen
Or, a subject
To the royal family.
But, she too was a mother,
She too breast fed her kids,
And now they were growing up.
So she taught them
To eat grass and leaves.
She taught them
How to avoid
Being picked by thorns
While eating them.
She taught them
To run fast
In case of danger.

The kids were naughty
And played with each other.
They would go
Far away in the jungle
And the mother would warn them,
“The lion will eat you someday!”

Kids were kids
And the world was a fairy tale.

One day,
The lioness was
Looking for her prey.
Her cubs had not eaten for days.
Their father had threatened
To eat her children
If he did not
Get anything to eat soon.
She too was
Almost starving.
She was wandering in the forest
And a ray of hope
Struck her eyes.
The goat’s lamb
Was playing with bushes.
Happy, and full of life,
He was enjoying his food.
But little did he know
The lioness was thinking
Of making him
Her own dinner.
She started to move
Towards the lamb
Silent and focused
Ready to kill and feed her kids.

As the chance would have it,
The mother goat happened to be there.
She sensed the danger
And called for her son
But the young kid
Was on the seventh heaven
And did not pay head
To his mother’s pleas.

The lioness,
Silent and focused
Leaped upon the lamb
And the mother goat,
Not thinking anything
But of her child
Acted quickly.
She came in the lioness’s way
And took her baby in her lap.
The lioness roared with great anger
Fierce she was
To have missed her prey.
And, she leapt again.

As is the way of nature,
And the instinct of survival,
One mother
Killed the other.

As the queen
Was dragging her prey
The li’l scared lamb
Fell out of dead mom’s arms.
Terrified, he looked at the predator
And as their eyes met
He began to cry
And coiled himself
Within himself.

The mother lioness
Thought of her cubs
This little child
Looked like them
When they would get scared
While their mom
Would start to leave them
Alone with their father.

A wave of warmth
Passed through her heart
And she forgot her kill.
She licked the little one
Affectionately
And carried him gently
To a safe place.

…. Sahar RD

10/3/16